This is a coaching question. I don’t write and answer coaching questions and private emails to non clients. because I would quickly burn out! I thought instead I would answer it in a video so that she and everybody else who has this question–because she’s not the only one–so I can talk to you at the same time.

Now, first of all, my tribe and the people that I coach have included a lot of raw vegan, reiki master, light worker types, so the killing thing can be really uncomfortable to my people and I get it.

This  letter writer was saying that she likes to integrate the shadow expect. I don’t think she used the word shadow–maybe she did–and I am all over “parts-integration,” that’s what I call it. I think I shot a whole video about that a few days ago, so I’m all over that. I love it. Eating disorder, smoker, saboteur, all those parts of you that you hate, yeah, they need your love and they need to be brought into the whole.

The Money Monster is completely different.

I only say this because I have coached so many thousands of people in this over 15 years now. Everything I say is what I’ve learned from my own clients.

The monster is all that’s wrong in the world and all that should be rejected from your life.

Looking at examples from clients horrific child abuse, just terrible things that no we aren’t going to integrate it, we are going to banish it.

What happens is when you kill the monster… and all the energy that you build to destroy this terrifying all-bad thing… because we want it to be as big and as powerful and all-bad, no-good (which is why it can’t be your parents and it’s not a part of you–because it’s all bad)… Because what happens is when you build up the energy to destroy it, and sometimes it can be really hard to destroy, especially men’s monsters, you are fighting FOR yourself.

There’s a real positive energy to choosing yourself.

You are saying, “No! No more, I reject this. And yes it’s outside of my comfort zone, outside of my raw, vegan, nonviolent, light worker, healthy, shadow-work, integrator tribe’s comfort-zone. I am going to kill this thing because only one of us is going to survive.”

The evil thing that will kill you by making your life not worth living, by targeting the people you care about and just chipping away at your desire to live… it’s either the monster or you.

For us softhearted, nonviolent empaths, (hello!) to take on that energy of “fuck no!” and to kill and get rid of the bloody bits, to say, “This has no place in my value system. This is not acceptable in my life. I reject it. I reject it.” is a huge source of transformation.

Because when you are killing the monster, you are choosing yourself and you are fighting for what you believe in and your own value.

That’s why you kill the monster.

Then, when you have a Money Honey on the other side, that Money Honey is everything that’s left that the monster was not… which really, when you boil it down, is just LOVE in every positive expression.

This is how you rise above that victim energy… and honey, I don’t condemn victim energy!  I am not one of those “law of attraction” thought police. I’m not one of those comforters from the Book of Job who would say, “Gee Job, you must’ve done something terrible to get all these bad things to happen to you!”

We want to honor your victim experiences… and use your anger for good.

Anger is an energy that pushes us up from the bottom of the pool.

Anger a fiery energy. It’s like victimhood is a very watery energy,  Fire rises and that anger and that “NO!” energy is fabulous for rising out of victimhood and setting boundaries and making it safe so that you don’t have to carry the victimhood along with you.

People say you should forgive, and I say don’t forgive while you’re in danger:  that grudge is keeping you on alert and keeping you safe. When you’ve learned the lesson and you TRUST YOURSELF that you’re never going to let that happen again… then forgiveness happens organically.

You can relax when you’re no longer in danger. Then forgive.

Forgiveness happens at the speed of safety.