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There Is Nothing Wrong With You

There is Nothing Wrong With You

Morgana: Hi, this is Morgana, and what I appreciate about my little cactus bunch here is, they are really prickly. I mean, these are some sharp points. But, brought together, look at what beauty they create. And that’s kinda like life.

So, those of you who joined me for my talk about my dad’s Alzheimer’s and my grandma and grandpa, who, like, I grew up so close to, who are really approaching end of life, and now my cat’s hiding in a closet, so I’m thinking she’s not feeling well, it was a really rough weekend.

And I just found out that my dad may be moving across the country to an assisted care facility on the other fricking side of the country, which, in two weeks. I just found this out. So that’s a lot to process.

Nevertheless, I’m feeling way better. And you helped me. I have not responded to a lot of your posts and emails, probably any of them. Or the phone calls. Like, I got some really powerful phone calls, too. And I just gotta say, oh, let me get all teary again, you know, it’s just that kind of time of life, I’m so touched.

And so, like, heartened, to be part of this family of humanity, where so many of you also have aging parents and grandparents, and many of you are going through challenges that are, like, so far beyond anything I’m going through. And how precious, that we get to, like, go through this together, is just so beautiful.

And so heck, what was I going to talk about today? You know, when you’ve been coaching 22 something years, there’s never really a shortage of like life lessons and things to talk about. And so what was I going to speak about before I turned on the recorder?

I think that what I want to speak to is, you know, the value of letting yourself drop to the bottom of the pool. You know, some people say what you resist, persists. And I actually love that.


No Bad Parts

Oh, I remember what I want to talk about. No bad parts. So, the grieving part, the victim part, the angry part, the saboteur part, the critical part, the loser part, the procrastinator part. We have all these parts. The rage-aholic. And I get to be that part sometimes when, you know, I see sexism and bigotry on Twitter, I am not a cool cookie.

We get taught as small children that, you know, certain behaviors and maybe certain parts of us are bad. And then we hide those parts from ourselves, or we get guilty or, you know, so much energy is spent on, you know, our self saboteur, and I’m my own worst enemy. And that’s logically impossible. You cannot be your own worst enemy, because the drive to live and prosper and thrive and procreate, you know, it’s in our genes. We are designed to protect the host. You are the host.

So, every part of you, whether it’s the addict part or the victim part or the shy part or the whatever part, they actually, they all have wisdom. And they’re all on your team. Huge distinction. They are on your team and they have wisdom and they have gifts for you.

But the thing is is they may not be doing a great job of delivering their message or helping you out, because usually these parts are created when we’re really young. And a five year old trying to help out a 35 year old, or in my case a 50 year old, my five year old part is not going to be all that elegant. Or, you know, is not really the person to be driving the bus.

But when I’m overwhelmed or triggered or like the unit sense danger danger danger, some little old part of me might show up, and be braggy or angry or whatever. Really just trying to help out. So the main rule here is, “None of these parts are bad.”

And, you know, even our shadows and all that. That gets such a bum rap. Our gremlins, according to the Gremlin Taming Institute, I think it’s called, or our saboteurs. Even our saboteur, is really, you know, on our team. Maybe just not doing a really good job.

Uncover the Wisdom of Your Secret Self

So what you can do is just have a conversation with that part. And here’s how you do it. This is one of my favorite things to do with clients. I’ve been, I think I learned this way back in 2002, from the Center for Right Relationship.

Find the part that you’re hating on, you know. The bitch, you know. The fat girl. By the way, my fat girl is one of the most important parts of me. I was this fat, hated little girl. I had no friends, zero, in the fourth and fifth grade. I was like the school scapegoat.

And so when I feel ugly and not good enough and like I’m left out and unloved, that’s kind of, that’s when my, you know, inner fat girl comes out. And she can be really painful, and really ashamed.

And, at the same time, she’s probably, you know, the sweetest, most lovable part of me, because she understands the pain of being an outcast, so she loves and understands everybody else who feels like an outcast. She’s, because she needs love the most, there’s a way in which she can be intimate with others.

Whereas, like, another secret self, another part of mine is my puff fish. So whenever you catch me getting really braggy, and about my accomplishments and blah blah blah and I make this much money and I live in this kind of house and I have these kind of results, this is my puff fish, because I want to be loved and I want to be like and I want to be respected and all that kind of stuff.

But what happens is when I get into my puff fish, I get big big big big, and everybody’s far away. And then I wonder where everybody went. So those are just two of my secret parts.


Get the Gift…

So, when you find a part that you’re having trouble with, what you can do, first of all, is know it’s not all of you. And the part you dislike the most, it’s not all of you. You are not this thing. But this thing is part of you because you’re human.

I encourage you to do is pull that part out of you and have her, or him, sit in a chair opposite you. And just notice the age of that part. And how, I’m going to just say she, how she’s sitting, how she’s dressed, how she’s feeling.

And understand that she’s a part of you. She’s on your team. And she has a message. She has wisdom for you. She needs something so that she can let you take over. So that she can be safe to let you take over and drive the bus, and she can take a break and not have to run your grownup life for you, which, honestly, she wants a break.

So, just put her in the chair opposite from you and say, “What do you need me to know so that you can relax? What do you need me to know so that you can let me take over?” And the rule is she does love you. She wants the best for you.

She is on your team, because every part of you, no matter how self-destructive, even the addict part of you, even the eating disorder part of you, even the suicidal part of you, underneath it all, is on your team, and is trying to help. Maybe not doing a great job.

Find out what this part of you needs so that she can let go, let you take over, feel safe, so that you can move forward. And the wonderful thing is, you get to love all of yourself, and you get a really, really important piece of information. And the thing is, is when you get the message, then the problem has a tendency to dissolve.

The problem part can quiet down and relax and doesn’t have to cause trouble anymore. Or the problem in your life, when you get the message, when you get the gift, it served its purpose. And the problems just have this really weird tendency to kind of dematerialize magically when you got the gift, when you got the lesson, when you got the message.


You Are Wonderful As You Are

You are wonderful as you are. no bad parts. Problem parts are just messengers from your highest, wisest self maybe not doing the best job. Get the message so you can take over. Mwah. Namaste.


  1. Sandra M says:

    Thanks for this Morgana. I had a terrible experience last evening. I am a co-founder of a not for profit organization. We began over 2 decades ago and still have the original team plus a few more since. A newer board member was frustrated about something and totally unloaded on me in an email to the whole board. I had asked for clarification on something and I think she took it as a challenge. There were so many hurtful things said that I never imagined I would hear. By reading the words, one might think I was a combination of Satan’s spawn and a loser. It ripped my heart out. I was so shocked, so sad and so angry all at the same time. I didn’t sleep. When I opened my emails this morning, in the first email I saw the subject “There is nothing wrong with you. ” Wow! I needed to see that! So I just sat down with that hurt, sad and angry little girl and asked her what she needed. She said she needed love and for me to write and ask the person who attacked me “What can I do better or differently to improve our working relationship and make your life easier.” I haven’t gotten a response yet, but I feel better knowing there is nothing wrong with me. Thanks for the perfect timing. You are the best!

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