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The Cleanse Chronicles

4/13/12 Day Three of a well-intentioned detox program… I’m sleepy, grouchy, and have a headache. Healthy living sucks. I want a cup of real coffee soooooo badly.

4/14/12 Day Four of Captivity. I’m drinking decaf coffee with organic coconut creamer and stevia sweetener. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. Heeeeelp meeeee!

4/16/12 Day Six on this desert island called Health. I made my first almond milk smoothie. Not terrible. I can get through this.

4/20/12 Day One of the actual “cleanse” itself. No more of that mamby pamby “pre-cleanse” crap. I’m starving. I’m thinking of eating my arm off, just for the meat. I miss chewing.

4/21/12 Day Two in this Dark Pit of Despair called Cleanse. Actually I’m fine. And when my captor allowed me to add a few fresh strawberries to that tasteless muck of a gluten-fee, sugar-free, allergen-free, joy-free shake, I was positively euphoric. One more day to go!

4/22/12 Day Three…. I was so wicked! I broke down and ate some raw kale (shhhhh! don’t tell anyone!) instead of my “dinner” health shake.

4/23/12 Day One of the Next Phase… I get to eat rabbit food (green vegetables) now. Oh joy! God, what I wouldn’t give for a cup of coffee. I miss my coffee so badly I could cry.

4/25/12 Day Whatever in Captivity. Starting to eat real food. Had steak this afternoon. Such a relief. But I still miss coffee. My kingdom for a cuppa joe.

4/27/12 I quit my cleanse. Finito. Not that I didn’t love the wild mood swings, the insomnia, the headaches and the exhaustion. I just think I prefer moderation and feeling good.

 

5/23/12 I’ve been in Bali for almost two weeks. Having a BLAST! Best food of my life. And flowers and incense and massages. I’ve been visiting all sorts of shamans and healers and artists and temples… jumping into sacred pools with hundreds of Balinese, while all the other white people stand on the sidelines taking pictures. Yesterday I was suddenly hit with dizziness, queasiness, weakness, no appetite, lower back pain, etc. I searched for clues on line–was it Dengue? Malaria? Kundalini rising? Finally I went to the local clinic late at night. Turns out I’m just dehydrated. How anticlimactic.

5/28/12 This morning the cutest puppy started following me on the road. At first he was happy to be petted and cuddled and played with. Then, when his biting became a little harder than playful… I realized he was hungry. I found a Warung (food store) around the corner. The owner picked him up and promised to take care of him.

5/30/12 I’m back from Bali. Yes, I escaped that hell hole of friendly people, fragrant flowers, daily massages, fabulous food, and hot guys who want to heal my chakras.

6/12/12 Hmmm. Stepped on the scale today. Apparently after three weeks of shopping, massaging, walking, sleeping and eating in Bali–anything I liked, whenever I liked (all of it delicious)–I’m seven pounds lighter. Bali wins.


  1. June 13, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    I soooo know what you mean, Gana! I remember after my one-and-only cleanse experience, just eating the smallest amount of food of whatever kind was such an immense JOY!! After the cleanse, I was so in love with food (healthy food actually) that I actually began *cooking* (imagine that!) veggies and soup. Me, cooking?

  2. June 18, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Morgana … decaff is not really that healthy; it’s manufacture uses nasty chemicals that take all the goodness out.

    The best coffee is freshly ground organic dark roast (often called “Italian style”). It’s actually so full of goodness it can be classed as a super-food.

    Of course, moderation is required, but I find it sooo good that just an occasional cup is very satisfying. Even more refreshing is any one of your videos. Thank you!

    • June 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm

      You’re so right, Steve! REAL coffee, or real black tea, is not only delicious, but has great health benefits. Yay!

  3. Asa
    June 18, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Haha I loved this and your honesty 🙂

  4. Sandra Harriette
    November 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    It seems like a battle of willpower. That is my biggest obstacle to overcome.

    • morgana
      November 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

      Actually, it wasn’t about will power at all. This “cleanse” was just a bad idea. Didn’t improve my health. In fact, it had the opposite effect. It REMOVED all the healthy nutritious foods that gave me energy, stabilized my blood sugar, and made me feel good; and left me starving and ill for nearly three weeks. Just a dumb idea with no health benefit.

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