The shocking truth is, after so many decades of backing off from this level of commitment, I LOVE being married. To Devin.
This is a big surprise to me.
The fact that I’m married, after so many years of searching my for my soul mate and coming up with heartbreak instead, amazes me. This area of life has been the deepest despair I’ve ever known.
I wasn’t even looking forward to my first date with this guy (his dating profile photos sucked!), and two happy hears later, we’re married.
So here’s the shocking thing. Besides actually being married.
I was anxious about saying yes and actually doing the deed. Because what we’ve had for the last 2 years has been pretty wonderful. I didn’t want to lose that. I had the old “don’t fix it if it ain’t broke” thing going on in my head.
And I also knew I wanted to MOVE FORWARD. More intimacy. More partnership. Growth. Evolution. With THIS guy.
So I said yes and jumped in.
And this is what has shocked me: I love the difference.
I feel warm and glowy every time I say, “husband,” and every time Devin says, “wife.”
Devin looks really happy, too, which makes me even happier.
There’s something really SATISFYING about making the right commitment… first it’s scary, followed by a huge feeling of relief and contentment.
I waited a very long time to take this step (47 years). I come from many generations of divorce. Parents. Grandparents on both sides. Aunts. Uncles. Great grandparents.
All had terrible first marriages and terrific second marriages.
I think I was 7 years old when I decided it made more sense to skip the first marriage and proceed directly to husband #2–the GOOD marriage.
I’m always amazed at the impact of early childhood decisions that we don’t even know we’re making. Almost every result in our lives can be traced back to decisions we made between the ages of 2 to 7. (Of course some of those decisions are better than others over the long term–that’s why I’m so grateful for tools to reprogram those not-so-helpful decisions later.)
In the years before I met Devin, I interviewed every long time happily married couple I knew and asked them their secret. Every person gave me exactly the same answer. They ALL said they chose the right person.
I took that to heart. In fact, I could see a clearly marked expiration date on every guy I dated until Devin. It’s not that I was holding out for perfect. I just refused to ignore the red flags and pretend not to notice things that were glaringly obvious on the first date.
What makes Devin different is the very same things that make him the wrong guy for another woman make him a BETTER match for me. And he’s the kindest, warmest, most willing-to-work-through-stuff partner I’ve ever had.
We’re off for our first honeymoon together. I promise to post pictures.
PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES!
The view from our room. Wow!
1st “Helfie” (honeymoon selfie)
We had side by side massages, high above the city, at this hippie-artsy Terra Noble healing center our first morning in Puerto Vallarta
Reminds me of Bali–the tropical rain forest, the thatched rooves…
And then we got MARRIED AGAIN! At this church.
All sweaty and oily from our massages, we found a minister, said our vows, exchanged rings, and kissed. I think this is going to be our “thing.” Getting married around the world. In temples. Churches. Mosques. Whatever.
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