There’s nothing more magnetic to what you desire, especially in realms of romance and love, than feeling good about yourself. And nothing kills your sense of self worth faster than settling for what doesn’t make you happy.

There’s a sick little trend going around the dating advice industry, telling women (and men) that they should lower their standards, that they’re wrong to hold out for that special someone they admire, respect, and desire.

Can you imagine? In fact there’s a best selling book out there that argues women should settle for whoever will take them. This is a perfect formula for misery. (No wonder there are so many unhappy marriages!)

Let’s not even go there. Before you step out on your first date, we want to supercharge your love magnet with easy, authentic, happy self-confidence. Nothing to prove and nothing to buy, and you’ll feel the difference immediately. Here’s the secret:

When clients are stuck and not manifesting their desires, I have them take a look at what they’re putting up with in their lives. What do they put up with that drains their energy? Where are they settling?

We all have tolerations: those people, things, or habits that drain our energy, dim our joy. It could be a messy kitchen, or a critical colleague, or not taking care of your health. We may have become so accustomed to certain compromises that we feel that’s just the way life is. We don’t think we have options. We feel stuck, and that feeling runs into other areas of our lives.

Every time you settle, you’re telling the universe that “this is good enough,” and you’re telling yourself, “I don’t deserve better.” If that’s your message, of course you’ll keep getting more of the same! When your life is full of compromise, you aren’t leaving room for what you really want, especially in love.

Flipping this around is easy. Make a list of what you’re tolerating: the things in your life that don’t make you happy. Then pick out ONE toleration to tackle. I recommend starting with the smallest. A little goes a long way. The smallest changes build your energy and confidence, and give you a platform for the next change.

Make it EASY. Try giving old clothes away to Good Will. Or clearing your desk. Or changing a lightbulb. Or spending less time with a critical friend. When you clear something up in one area of your life, you’ve created energetic space that will impact the rest of your life. My clients have won awards, lost weight, received money out of the blue, attracted new business and found soul mates when they stopped settling in other areas of their lives. When in doubt, clean your house. It’s all connected.

Saying no to what no longer serves changes how you show up on your dates. You’ll notice that your standards rise naturally, and not from a place of neediness. You’ll find yourself attracting people who want to live up to your desires.

You’ll also catch “red flags” faster and find it easier to let go of the wrong guys quickly.

Hold out for what you really want, in love and in life. You train the universe how to treat you by how you treat yourself. You don’t want to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. Treat yourself like royalty so you can magnetize your king (or queen).

MORGANA RAE is an internationally acclaimed life coach, author, and professional speaker, who is regarded as the world’s top Relationship with Money coach. Morgana’s groundbreaking program for attracting wealth has featured her on ABC-TV, PBS, NPR, United Press International and The Wall Street Journal online. Learn how to become a Money Magnet with her FREE 4-part video gift series. Fill out your name and email at the top of the page. (We promise not to share your info!)