For today’s Valentine’s Day I’m pulling back the curtain on how I went from being a 45 year old spinster to the “Forever Bride” (getting married 16 times in 12 countries to the same wonderful man, with many more weddings to come).
Here’s a confession: I’ve been obsessed with love since I saw my first Disney Princess movie as a small child.
You know that song, “I don’t want to live in a world without love”? That’s me.
I remember chasing my first love under the piano for a kiss on his 5th birthday. I was only 4. I’ve been on the hunt, and heartbroken, for a very long time.
In retrospect I’m glad I made so many terrible romantic choices: they left me free for when the RIGHT MAN arrived.
And when he did arrive, many decades later than I had hoped, he arrived at exactly the RIGHT TIME. I had the tools to recognize and be ready for him…
Let’s go back in time about 15 years. I was burning out on on-line dating disasters. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. So I hired a “Vedic” (Hindu) astrologer that my yoga instructor recommended.
This guy looked at my chart, spit out words like “Rahu in the 7th house,” “Venus in Capricorn,” and “debilitated Moon in Scorpio” and told me love would always be hard for me and I would probably never get married. Ugh!
That sealed the deal for me: Astrology is Bullshit.
A couple weeks later I met a vivacious blonde at a networking dinner who was also a Vedic Astrologer. I shared my experience. Here was her response: “Moon in Scorpio? That is FANTASTIC! That means what you say comes true! Rahu is in your 7th house of partnership in marriage? Rahu is the house of obsession [no kidding!] and excess. People with Rahu in their 7th house get married a LOT.”
Astrology was suddenly looking a lot more friendly.
Needless to say I hired the second astrologer–Carol Allen–and got very different results, and a very different perspective on my love journey. And she gave me some excellent love guidance, too.
With her permission, I’m sharing some of the highlights:
- Carol likes to talk about “love seasons.” She described this to me in terms of fruit: just like fruit seasons, we go through cycles. An apple tree can read self-help books, say affirmations, go to seminars (well, not really–apple trees aren’t very mobile), but if it isn’t apple season, there won’t be any apples. And that poor apple tree can blame herself and feel terrible about herself, but it’s just not apple season. I hadn’t hit “Love Season” yet.
- Another big takeaway I got from Carol was her distinction between “Banquet Girl” and “Soup Kitchen Girl.” Banquet girl believes in abundance, and if one relationship isn’t right, she let’s it go with the easy conviction that awesome love is always available to her. Soup Kitchen Girl settles for crumbs–the married man, the drug addict, the narcissist, the unable-to-commit partner–because she fears this is the best she can do. Some women are Banquet Girls by nature. The rest of us can become Banquet Girls by choice.
So, with a resolve to be a Banquet Girl, and to ready myself for my Love Season, in 2012 I did 3 things I’d never done before:
- I SLAYED my “Love Monster” the same way I slayed my Money Monster so many years ago. That’s how I became a “Banquet Girl.”
- I completely changed my business to reduce my personal coaching hours, so I would have TIME to travel the world with the love of my life. (Even though I hadn’t met him yet.) I literally called this my “Make Out With A Cute Guy Business Plan.”
- I ran the birth date of every guy I dated into Carol Allen’s “Right Man Report.” It was spooky accurate. I was meeting a ton of really wonderful men. I’d never experienced such a bonanza of grown up, relationship-ready men until I was in my mid-40’s. Who knew? (Maybe it was because I was in Love Season?) But when I ran their data into the report, every single man I went out with got 4 out of 5 possible RED LIGHTS showing me the weaknesses in the match. (And they were dead on.) Until I met my husband, Devin “Green Lights” Galaudet. In fact, the very things that made him the wrong guy for his past partners made him the right man for me!
- While I was in Bali, leading my very first Money Goddess retreat, I learned of an ancient Vedic Astrology “remedy” (for my Rahu in the 7th House romantic obsession), and I threw 6 coconuts into a running river. I met Devin 3 months later.
You may be reading this and thinking, “What does this have to do with me? I don’t believe in Astrology. I’m interested in making money, not love.”
I hear you. So I’m breaking my story down into 5 Principles that apply to every goal worth setting.
#1: Choose your self-fulfilling prophecies intentionally.
You get what you believe. If an “expert” opinion doesn’t serve you, expand your possibility, or feel right in your body, get another opinion. Or even better, trust yourself!
#2: Choose your right teacher.
The world is full of teachers, coaches, healers, consultants, who are awesome for some people and toxic Kryptonite for you. Again, if this teacher doesn’t feel right, empower you, respect you, and make your life bigger, find a better match.
#3: Trust the Timing
I personally hate this one. I want everything YESTERDAY! And in retrospect, every struggle, failure, effort, and insight is exactly what we need to be ready for what we want.
#4: Take Action to create the right environment for your desired results.
All that effort, study, personal development, and inner work is not wasted. It’s essential! And action is magical: if you want to see real world results, take real work action. (Even stuff that doesn’t make sense, like throwing coconuts into a stream in Indonesia.) You only have control over your own actions. Do what you need to do to BE the person who is the right match for what you desire. Trust the universe to do the rest.
#5: Don’t Settle!
This is the biggest piece. I interviewed dozens of couples who had been happily married for decades. What was their secret? Did they have a strategy? I got exactly the same answer from every single interview: “I picked the right person.” That’s the secret. Pick the right person. We train the universe (and ourselves) to give us exactly what we accept. If we accept what doesn’t grow and exalt us, that’s what we get. Know your core values, needs and deal breakers–in love, business, and life–and stick to them.
And if you’re reading this because you are dating, or thinking of dating, or given up on dating (I understand!) and you want to find your RIGHT MAN (or woman) I totally recommend you run the birth date and time of your next date in Carol Allen’s “Right Man Report.”
I did this with at least a dozen men while I was dating. It explained (and totally took the pain away) when things weren’t moving forward or feeling right. This made it so much easier to move on! And seriously: Devin was the ONLY person who ever showed up as a good match for me in this report, and I have never, ever known such a happy, easy, wonderful relationship experience! (We’re planning many more weddings this year. Apparently that’s the plus side of having my “rahu-excessive obsession” in the 7th house of partnership.) Carol Allen’s Right Man Report
(Carol and I are at the center of the photo below, at the Bridal Shower she threw for me last year, after I’d already been married 12 times in about 8 months.)
Any “aha moments” from this story? Please comment below!
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