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Creating a retreat in Bali seemed like a great idea…

At Taipei Airport, after a 14 hour flight from LA.

Creating a retreat in Bali seemed like a great idea. It seemed like such an easy, obvious thing to do.

It was such a shocking and transformative experience for me when I went in August… I wanted to share that experience… offer an opportunity to EMBODY the goddess.

And I had dreamed—for years—of leading spiritual goddess retreats around the world. And now I was finally doing it!

And yet it took me four months to actually buy my plane tickets.

And I tarried at booking my hotel room until the afternoon before my plane was scheduled to leave…

The night of my flight I had an anxiety attack.

I didn’t feel ready. My destination was too far. I felt very young and scared and like I’d get lost in transit, disappear in the vastness of the planet.

How would I find my way from one plane to the next when we stopped in Taipei?

If something happened to me, I’d never be found.

I delayed and delayed leaving the house that night, before going to the airport.

I kissed and clinged to the cute guy I was dating, as he drove me to the terminal. I wanted to hold on to him, to have some connection to home.

And when I finally released him and dragged my luggage to the check in counter, they wouldn’t let me on the plane! My passport was to expire in June… weeks after my return, and Bali required 6 months.

I’m sure I knew that on some level, and filed it away in my unconscious. And I’d lie if I didn’t admit that I was grateful for the delay.

I scrambled to get a new passport in one day, rebooked my flight. Everything fell into place magically: I was to fly out the night I picked up my passport. Same flight. I even got the same coveted window seats.

(I’m sooooo lucky. And a freak of nature when it comes to manifesting.)

The night of my new departure, the anxiety came back: I suddenly couldn’t find my new passport, just as we were leaving for the airport. I panicked. Started hyperventilating. How could I blow it again?

In 30 years of travel, I’ve NEVER lost my passport before

Can you believe all the obstacles I created to get in the way of my dream? Amazing, isn’t it?

I did find it… just in time.

I went to the airport and they actually let me on the plane.

And then a magical thing happened: ss soon as I was actually on the plane itself, flying 14 hours to Taipei, I got happy! I slept. I made friends with my neighbor. I found my way to my connectimg flight in Taipei.

The fear left. All that remained was a fabulous view from my window seat… the thrill of the vastness of the planet… the exciting strangeness of other lands, foods, languages and peoples… and a profound gratitude for the privilege of living out my wildest fantasies.

I’m so, so happy to be here. And I fought so, so hard to sabotage this event!

I can’t help but feel this might be a metaphor for all of us: how terrifying it can be to step into our bigger vision. I know that over and over I get fantasies of ducking out, at the very moment before I get what I’ve been wanting for ages.

If this is true for you, too, I want you to know you’re not alone.

Keep going. You have to just keep going. Everything you want is on the other side of the fear.


  1. May 11, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Morgana!! Congratulations – on everything, creating this event, pushing through the fear and doing it anyway, and thanks for sharing your story. I have found that this same kind of thing happens to me when there’s a big shift about to happen, and I firmly believe that the area of our greatest resistance is also the area of our greatest growth and opportunity. Glad to see I’m not alone in that 🙂 Have an excellent trip and event, can’t wait to hear more about your adventure. Lots of love,
    Nova

  2. Donna Payne
    May 11, 2012 at 6:51 am

    A big thank you for sharing! 1) I’m so proud of you. 2) this is the “big-scary-dream-CAN-really-happen” proof that everything will be ok.

    Sign me, sticking my big toe into the wonderful scaryness!
    Tally ho and Godspeed, dp

  3. May 11, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Morgana – lovely metaphor, lovely account. You are a star! Thanks for being. Caitriona

  4. Katherine
    May 11, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Thanks for sharing how vividly real the fear seemed to be, and then how it all melted away and the real ease and happiness showed up so brightly! Such a wonderful and powerful reminder that the happy is how life wants to be.

    Really appreciate you! Have a _wonderful_ time!!

  5. anne kofman
    May 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Felt likewise before my trip to CO for prosperity tribe “rock your prosperity” event in April. Got there, all went well and had fabulous time….and before went kept wondering….WHY did I sign up for and put myself through this?
    Have a great time…I assume your money honey is with you
    .Love, anne

  6. May 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Thanks for sharing, Morgana. Your story cements my recent learning that we’re all the same. Before, I thought that successful people were on a higher level than I am–luckily that belief has gone away. Thanks for your inspiring story.

    The line, “how terrifying it can be to step into our bigger vision. I know that over and over I get fantasies of ducking out, at the very moment before I get what I’ve been wanting for ages,” truly touched me–and excited me to go onto big things. Thank you!

  7. May 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Thanks, I needed that.

  8. Cheryl
    May 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you for sharing your humanity with us all!

    I believe we all have “expired passports” that happen to us… Big successes that we really want – we get so close to them, only to manifest some form of sabotage!

    Is this what I really want? Is it really going to work? Am I going to fail and lose everything chasing after this silly dream?!?

    I had that happen recently. Essentially, my “passport expired” (something I manifested out of fear), and instead of trying to get another one, I tried to move the entire retreat to the airport and avoid the flight altogether.

    Talk about sending mixed messages to the universe!

    I, too, am a freak of nature with manifesting. I have a cold right now because two weeks ago, I *joked* – ONCE – about being sick and using that as an excuse not to go somewhere I didn’t want to go this weekend. I haven’t been able to stop coughing all week, and I still have to go this weekend. LOL

    I have even been manifesting “lucky signs” all week, like a shooting star every night and dozens of 4 and 5 leaf clovers! I have never seen so many.

    I’ve known for a long time that I was very powerful at manifesting anything I give my attention to without resistance. Now I just need to learn how to control my superpowers to stop – well, losing my passport 😉

  9. Andy
    May 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Wow truly inspirational, please keep us up to date on your adventure

  10. May 11, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Thank you for sharing! The message in your words and the comments that follow is exactly what I needed to hear. I am amazing at manifesting, yet sometimes initially resist the placement of that which I drew to me…it is heartening to know that I am “not alone” and with awareness may transform this behavior.

  11. May 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Morgana,

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. I needed to hear it.

    Oct 14, 1997, I wrote out a personal mission for myself. Much of if which happened and is part of my life. A big part went unfulfilled, until recently and I began new journey to make it a reality.

    All these thoughts of I’m too old… I started too late etc. often flood into my brain. Every time those doubts stepped on to my path, something happens to reaffirm I’m on the right path. Keep moving forward. The right people keep showing up.

    At times I’m scared… other times excited.

    I printed your story and placed it in my manifestation journal with other stories of inspiration to remind me I got the power within me too.

    Thanks so much Morgana for being you and sharing your Magical Essence with the world.

  12. Mohan
    May 11, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Morgana, thanks for sharing. I have been holding myself back due to a number of irrational thoughts and fears about things going wrong. I realize that I back out or prevent things from happening.

    The flip side is that I have found that things do happen when I give my self the space and stay trusting. I have to be like this more often.

    Have a wonderful time…………

  13. Katey
    May 11, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Morgana! Thanks for sharing! I think we’ve all been there with sabotaging ourselves and it’s great to be honest about it. I hope you have an incredible time and I look forward to the group call when you get back. Enjoy the Goddess Good Time!

  14. Abi
    May 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Thanks for sharing Morgana. Sometime we subconsciously try to sabotage our plans but the Universe will not allow it. You were meant to go to Bali and you manifested it. I did that trip to Taipei on-route to Bangkok some years ago-the flight was 15 hours so one has to decide to make it fun. Thank goodness you have your money honey with you. You will have so much fun in Bali with delightful massages et al.! Can’t wait to hear about your adventures.

  15. Kate Phillips
    May 12, 2012 at 12:49 am

    My fab post/article of yours ever! Thanks for sharing the behind-the scenes view. Yes, we are brilliant at self-sabotage when fear gets in the way. So glad you made it!

    I would love to reprint this (on my website; maybe the word isnt “reprint” but you know what i mean – with your permission (and proper attribution, of course!)

  16. Kate Phillips
    May 12, 2012 at 12:52 am

    FAV post, I meant!

    Can’t see what I’m typing (and post was hard to read) – you’ve got some kind of sharing plugin that covers the left side of my screen.

  17. Danielle
    May 12, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Thank you!! Everything you said is true, and it helps! I have to go to a job/work this morning, and have some stuff going on there, but I have to just keep going, like you said! Thanks!!

  18. May 12, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Wow
    oh my, I am right at this kind of tipping point now today this week this month
    I am overwhelmed with terror and even got sick, everything tells me I am right but the outside looks all wrong ! i wonder is it sabotage or is it the old ways clashing with the new way ?
    I have been here before I should know better, but every doorway is still the unknown
    you have shown me the doorway is open and I am going through-ready or not 😉
    big love to you Morgana

  19. May 12, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Thanks for being real!
    I am acutally in the process of sabatoging my future as I write. More of an inertia attempt!
    I’ll keep hanging on to your advice.

    Thanks,

    Holly

  20. Maira
    May 15, 2012 at 1:38 am

    Morgana! These were the right words in right moment for me. Yesterday I step into my new life going out of terrible work after being there 15 years (really degrading was last year). I dream sooo about living the life I want (I am also qigong instructor). I prepare myself to this step more than year but so strong fear was there writing the resignation. I felt myself so good into my dreams, but in that right moment…. It was really terrible. I was so happy reading your words … it was so known and familiar….
    Thank you, thank you!!! And good luck!
    Maira

  21. May 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    You’re an inspiration and walk the talk, Morgana. We all experience the fear. It’s what we do about it that creates the breakthough results.

  22. caren
    June 11, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Wonderful post. Please post more photos. Can’t wait to coach with you.

  23. Lynn
    July 15, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Inspiring! I have been to Bali, and I live in malaysia so nearby. Been thinking of taking a year break to stay in Bali. Your post really moved me. I hope I have the courage to do it. Hats off to you….

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